Summary:

With the Oscars ceremony coming up on February 24, Elephant Talk has a timely conversation between Andy and Bing Liu, director of the Oscar nominated documentary Minding the Gap (which also made Barack Obama’s personal list of best films of 2018!).

Minding the Gap looks at how boys become men and the masculine script in America through the lens of the very personal story of Bing’s childhood growing up in suburbs Illinois, without a loving father figure.

As a child, Bing played with little green Army figures and struggled to understand his violent stepfather. His skateboarding friends became his family as he sought answers to why we’re so emotionally disconnected in our technologically connected world. His road to becoming a man includes therapy and the healing that comes from his creativity. Don’t miss this heartfelt interview!

Summary:

Wrapping up Season 2, Andy shares his thoughts on Elephant Talk.

Summary:

Winding down season two, we bring you another follow up to an earlier ET conversation. Jo and Jacob appeared in episode 10, and were disappointed with how we set up their conversation. It didn’t reflect their experience. We invited them back to learn where we went wrong. We’re thankful they reached out!

Summary:

From Fayetteville, Arkansas, and the ET summer road trip, come two elderly couples who share their secret sauce to partnership. And because of listener interest, we follow up with Stacie from episode 13, about her decision not to have children in her relationship with Kenyon. Enjoy!

Summary:

Ever wondered what the world of coupledom looks like from a bartender’s perspective? Elephant Talk spoke with three bartenders last year to learn what roles the bartender plays in couples’ lives.Mind-Body therapist Dr. Katherine Puckett discusses why it’s more important to be real than optimistic when managing illness with a partner.

Summary:

Andy turns the lens on himself. In the spirit of Elephant Talk’s mission to be open, honest, and real about our relationships, we bring you a conversation with Andy and his ex-wife, Carol. They talk about their marriage and what went wrong.

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Our conversations today span the arc of relationship–from moving in together for the first time, to reconnecting and finding love again after decades. Alex and Zack discuss their decision to live together after two years of long-distance relating.

Michael and Robin from episode 8, come back to share their marriage counseling philosophy. They talk about gratitude, relationship performance art, and getting couples off the fence of ambivalence.

Summary:

Witnessing change is our subject today. We hear all the time, we’re not supposed to “fix” our partner, but how do we move away from that to something else?

Our couples today, Hilary and Pierre and Alexander and Janice, have been married a long time. They both have practices that keep them curious about their partner and help them evolve together rather than apart.

Summary:

We all have trauma of one sort or another. How does that trauma impact our communication?
Keith and Annie have been together for a number of years. Their partnership has some risk taking and adventure. And, like so many of us, childhood trauma is in there also…and it offers them an opportunity to look at how they relate to one another.

Summary:

Larry and Macy found each other later in life and delighted in their shared eccentricities -chihuahuas, jello, and colorful clothes. Then, Larry was diagnosed with colon cancer. Their path through his illness is nothing less than truly inspiring and shows us the power of words.

BDSM…Master/Slave…are you feeling uncomfortable or perhaps excited? Meet Orpheus and Indigo. Married more than two decades, their poly Master/Slave relationship is an example of how great communication equals amazing intimacy.

Summary:

Sara Connell is a domme, a sex educator and a polyamorous transgender woman. She hosts the Queer Sex Ed podcast. Our producer, Kim Poletti, talked with her about her experience coming out as bisexual and then as a trans person.

Jonathan and Daniel opened up about their experiences coming out as gay in small-town Texas. They’ve been dating two years and describe the support each gives the other as they evolve individually.

Summary:

Elephant Talk met these two couples on the road last summer in Texas. Bob and Peggy have been married 40 years and keep their relationship light-hearted by using humor and not taking things personally. They’ve enjoyed an adventurous life together from dinner at the White House to living abroad for a decade. 

James and Jacy met as teenagers and married seven years later. As newlyweds in their early twenties, they represent a smaller number of couples in the US choosing to marry early. More couples are waiting until later in their twenties to tie the knot. James and Jacy share their story of dating, breaking up, and coming back together.

Summary:

This episode is about things that can divide us…step children, politics, race. And, it’s about how these two couples choose their common love over the areas of tension, every single day.

Katie and Talyn are a biracial couple and Talyn is a step-parent to Katie’s children.

Richard and Parie are step-parents to each others children. They also have very different political beliefs. Both couples demonstrate moving beyond their differences in support of the greater love they share.

Summary:

Marypat and Kurt have been married 21 years. In addition to their deep love for one another, they also have significant areas of disagreement including finances and how to raise their kids. One of the ways they cope with these differences is by not dwelling on the negative.

This episode explores their love story and challenges. And we follow their conversation with a counseling session with Dr. Susan Heitler and Marypat and Kurt. We hear how language can be a powerful tool for re-writing our story and bringing collaboration back to the relationship.

Summary:

Nishi and Synclair are sisters. They grew up sharing a house with their aunts and uncles in addition to their parents. Now, they’re married with children and share a house together again. Four adults, three children under one roof. They find the community this offers, more than makes up for the difficulties.

Summary:

Despite a diagnosis of brain cancer, Kevin was an optimist and continued to “make it a great day” every day until the end. This is a story of finding love and letting it go. A story of how we learn to let love in. A story of Emily and Kevin and life after his passing.

Summary:

Intimate partnership has it’s challenges. Sometimes we can take ourselves so seriously we forget the lighter moments. Humor offers us a way to move through those sticky places. This is where a couple’s court can come in very handy. Our guests today, Alli and Peter, and Emily and Dylan use their own couple’s court to lighten things up. They are couple friends for years now and share some of their deeper and lighter moments with us.

Summary:

Sometimes one plus one equals four. Two different couples show how their gifts to the world are multiplied as a couple. Sienna and Aldo run a small artisanal chocolate company and became first-time parents shortly after we spoke. Raj and Gaby used their relationship as a tool for self-growth. Now, they counsel other couples on how to be proactive about relationship health.

Summary:

“It can be very difficult when someone is with their able-bodied friends and they’re talking like, ‘Oh, when was your first kiss? How was that? Did you ever make out with someone?’ Sometimes my clients will feel shame. They’re not part of that. It hasn’t happened for them. That’s really upsetting and that’s what I want to change.”

Human beings are wired for connection. Disabled people have the same desire for connection as non-disabled people. Dr. Danielle Sheypuk is a disability-rights advocate and psychologist who specializes in dating, relationships, and sexuality among disabled people. She crusades to normalize disability within the dating world, and shatter the stereotypes and prejudices about disabled people. The possibility for steadfast love and a hot sex life is there for everyone.

Summary:

“Here I am doing my gratitude practice, and here I am doing my meditation. But, how much of that work am I actually putting into my relationship and my dating life? And I thought, that’s so weird because I don’t think it’s the same level of intention and attention that goes into it and what if we shifted that?” — Amy Baglan

Amy Baglan is on a mission to evolve the online dating world. Using her startup experience and her passion for yoga and the mindful life, she founded YogaDates in 2012, which grew into the online dating site MeetMindful. MeetMindful is a place where individuals can connect with people interested in health and wellness, mindfulness, personal growth, or spirituality. Our host, Andy Horning, sat down with Amy to learn more about the seeds of MeetMindful and how it has impacted her own dating life.

Summary:

“Let’s make mistakes with each other. We’re going to get it wrong. Let’s allow people to get it wrong and then have the honest conversation.” — Rich Tafel

Host Andy Horning talks with Rich Tafel, Managing Director of Raffa Social Capital Advisors and the former President of Public Squared, a social entrepreneur strategy-consulting firm. Rich’s passion is driven by a belief that we are all here to make the world a better place. From 1993 to 2002, Rich was the founding Executive Director of the Log Cabin Republicans, advocating equal rights for LGBT people in the U.S. He was one of America’s earliest political activists campaigning for gay marriage. He also pastors Church of the Holy City in Washington, D.C.

Summary:

“We started with this idea of offering relationship mentors, offering this hope around it but, also giving something other than the Hollywood version. It’s very much about all forms of relationship, the messiness, and really putting on screen how hard it is and how hard people have to work in relationships.” – Gillian

Host Andy Horning talks with Global Glue Project co-founder Gillian Pierce. The Global Glue Project’s mission is to discover the glue that holds couples together. It is a relationship conservation project, filming couples around the world about the beginnings, middles and ends of all things relationship. Gillian talks about the inspiration behind the Project and how it’s affected her personal view of love.

Summary:

“As a condition of us staying together, I had to make a few promises. One, that I was going to aggressively and actively seek professional help. Two, was that I was going to seriously and sincerely work on my coping skills and abilities. And three was that I needed to explain to my entire family, my 10 and my 11-year-old sons, my wife and my daughters why I did what I did.” – Tim

In recognition of June being PTSD Awareness Month, Host Andy Horning talks with disabled military veteran Tim Hilke. They discuss Tim’s experience being a suicide survivor, living with PTSD, and how these illnesses have affected his wife, their marriage and their life together.

Summary:

“All of a sudden, I went from being a child to a wife.” – Lynn

Host Andy Horning talks with his parents, Lynn and Joe, about their fifty-six years of marriage, raising four kids, and how aging has changed both their individual and partnership transformations. Andy also reflects with his siblings about their varied experiences and personal intentions based on what was learned from growing up with their parents.

Summary:

What’s the cost of not having courageous conversations? What would it be like if we embraced awkwardly courageous moments in our relationships and in our lives?

Summary:

“When we come together it’s not just skin and it’s not just parts. And it’s not just a goal of getting off or climax – it’s a full experience of energy and emotion, playfulness and all manner of connecting. And it doesn’t end in the bedroom.” – Johanina

Is sex purely a pleasure state? Or, can we use it to open a window into our own spirituality and who we are as energy beings? Grace and Corwin in their 20’s practice a form of Taoist sexuality. They see their relationship as an art form, a third entity that guides them to unexpected places. Contrasting in age but similar in practice, Andy and Johanina, in their 70’s, see their relationship as an improvisation. They were each married before and knew one another for years before seeing each other with new eyes.

Summary:

“You expressed to me the hurt in the fact that it wasn’t your decision. Like you felt helpless because you were, like, ‘It’s not my decision whether I want kids or not.’ You felt like I was making the decision for you.”

Stacie was 28, Kenyon was 42. Kenyon is already a father of two kids and has decided he doesn’t want more children. For Stacie, a young woman in a relatively new stepfamily relationship, the unanswered question remains if she wants kids of her own in the future.

In the second half of the show, Andy talks with Waylon Lewis, founder of the online magazine Elephant Journal, and host of the webcast “Walk the Talk.” They discuss Buddhism, dating, and how Waylon’s mom is ready for him to get married.

Summary:

“Even within the medical world, they ask me about my blood pressure, my count, am I constipated, but they never ask how you’re doing sexually. I almost had to bring it up because we don’t want to talk about it. God designed our bodies. He designed marriage. We’re making a big mistake because it needs to be talked about. It’s the biggest part of a relationship.”

Sympathy can turn to empathy when we share the same experience with another person and connect more deeply through it. Mark and Deb’s story shows how the power of their shared experience and their shared faith helped them through multiple unforeseen struggles. In the second half, Andy talks with Dr. Susan Heitler, a clinical psychologist at the Rose Medical Center in Denver. Dr. Heitler teaches couples how to sustain a warm and loving relationship. She and Andy talk about the importance of words that create tension, like “but,” versus words that enhance togetherness, like “and.”

Summary:

“When you said that monogamy was off the table, it felt freeing.”

He was experienced in the world of non-monogamy. She was a neophyte. Together, Robert and Morgan live into their sexual desires and remain committed to one another. Their recipe is one of rules, deep listening, and holding space for the hurt. Andy also talks with Orpheus Black, an author and erotic educator, specializing in hierarchical dynamics, non-monogamous relationships, and extreme sexual encounters. They discuss building safety and trust between partners wanting to explore kink, BDSM, and meditative bondage.

Summary:

“I certainly did not choose to feel that my gender did not match what was assigned to me.”

Jacob was four years into his transition when he and Jo met, and fairly new to being read as male. Jo had been out as a queer woman. Their story of courtship, marriage and family has the commonalities of what many consider a typical relationship. But underneath it all are layers of insecurity, apprehension and distress.

In the second half of the show, Andy talks with Carole Clements, a professor and practitioner of contemplative psychology. They discuss the evolving vocabulary and terms regarding gender and identity.

Summary:

“It was about a year into our corresponding with each other, and I remember saying to myself life isn’t promised to anyone, I should meet Joe.”

After a year of letter corresponding, Sheila and Joe decided to meet in person for the first time. She took the bus to the prison and waited for Joe in the visiting room. That first meeting lasted five hours. Two years later they were married. It would be twelve more years before Joe was released from prison and they could begin their life together on the outside.

Andy talks with Dr. Sue Johnson, relationship researcher, teacher, developed of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and author of the seminal books Hold Me Tight and Love Sense.

Summary:

“I’m done with this marriage, but I’m not done with you.”

Michael and Robin’s relationship was built from obligation, guilt, and crisis. Years later they reevaluated their marriage and recognized they were still in love with each other but not with the relationship. Their plans of salvaging the marriage evolved from an innovative and reassuring process.

Andy talks with Dr. Julie Hanks, a licensed clinical social worker, family therapist, consultant, and author of The Assertiveness Guide for Women: How to Communicate Your Needs, Set Healthy Boundaries, and Transform Your Relationships.

Summary:

“Non-human animals work a lot harder than humans to maintain long-term relationships.”

For fifteen years, Host Andy Horning has met twice a month with the same group of men. The only rules are to show up, be honest, be open to feedback, and share the space together. Andy asks, “What does it mean to be both a man and a husband in a partnership?”

Andy talks with evolutionary biologist Marc Bekoff about the importance of studying animal behavior to understand human behavior.

Summary:

“If sex educators aren’t having sex, it’s not very good for business.”

Most people might think that an intimate partnership of two sex educators would be filled with crazy hot sex. But, what happens when two experts who know all the answers to a fulfilling sex life start to feel under pressure?

Andy talks with documentary filmmaker Doug Block about the real secret to a happy marriage.

Summary:

“You didn’t realize how big of an issue this was going to be going in.”

At the age of fifty, Pam decided to receive a cochlear implant for her childhood hearing loss. Since then, her husband, Jon, sometimes struggles with his frustration that she still can’t always hear what he says. Both have grappled with patience and defeat. And, after twenty-five years together, this occasionally bumpy road continues to surprise and amaze them both.

Andy talks with copywriter and branding professional, Erin Bosik, about the magic and power of words.

Summary:

“To get through infidelity you have to be creative and think outside the box.”

Summary: When Shannon told his personal story of infidelity to the public, it was only his side of the story. Even years after the affairs, he didn’t know Cindy’s true feelings or point of view.

Andy talks with creative mogul Alex Bogusky about how to advertise real love.

Summary:

“Our relationship is an improvisation. I want to dance with you, and discover new steps.”

Summary:

“You’re the first black Montorio and I’m the first white Archer.”

Charles is a nonprofit CEO and entrepreneur, and comes from a large family in Brooklyn, New York. Paolo comes from a small family in northern Italy, and is an executive for a luxury fashion house. They met at a party on a summer night and were married one year later. In a society that has not historically valued or recognized interracial, same-sex, intercultural couples, Charles and Paolo see their relationship as a testament to the multifaceted nature of intimate relationship.

Andy also talks with Kyle Wagner, travel and food writer, about her assertion that travel can be the ultimate test of a relationship.

Summary:

“Orgasms make everything better.”

When they met, she was Medusa and he was Captain Jack Sparrow. Their love of characters didn’t stop there. Tracey and Sam have been together for over twelve years. During this time, their relationship has been tested again and again, with illnesses, injuries, loss and despair.

Convergence Coach Raven Wells unveils what he calls our culture’s greatest myth and truest religion – true love.

Summary:

“From lucky to unlucky, and finding the gratitude within.”

Kai is from the US and Xia was born and raised in China. They met while he was teaching English literature at a university in China and have been married for more than ten years. Their journey is one of learning how relationship is done across different cultures. When Kai is given a life-threatening diagnosis, Xia feels her “luck” has run out.

Mind-Body therapist Dr. Katherine Puckett discusses why it’s more important to be real than optimistic when managing illness with a partner.